Heartbreak is one of those things topics that can inspire endless discussions because really everyone has a different way of looking at it. It is a situation that is unique to each individual and so no two people will completely agree on it.
However, when you find yourself in this situation, it literally feels like you're entirely alone and the only one who feels this way. This is because in our society, people expect to see happiness and share in it with others. The truth is, there is a whole sea of people out there who are "walking wounded" and in pain and struggling too.
Yet knowing that there are other people out there in the same boat doesn't help either. We are all selfish creatures and what we really want is how to get ourselves out of the situation. All the typical advice you hear such as "you'll find someone better" or "time heals all wounds" don't really help. And in fact, time might just be the worst thing right now. When you're going through heartbreak, the days go by so slowly and every minute feels like agony.
Some say spend more time with family and friends. That depends really. I can see how having a network of family and friends can definitely help. But again, everyone is different. There are people who are close to their family members yet they don't know you really well. This is especially true to your parents and such who have a longer memory of you since they raised you. You could have changed but they are still thinking of you as the old you. Helpful supportive friends are definitely an asset but they eventually will get tired of hearing you complain because they've got their own problems and their own lives to deal with as well. Friends want to share in your happiness, not your gloom.
Other people say try to get into a new relationship. Well, if you're lucky and you meet someone very soon, then great but unfortunately, most people's lives don't work out like in the movie "500 days of summer." There are people who go years in between partners.
So the stark truth is, the only person who can truly deal with this is yourself. Time is your enemy. Think of it like a combat situation in war. What do you do when your enemy wants to kill you? You kill them first. When you are going through heartbreak, you are literally in a combat situation. Time is your enemy and you are going through emotional chaos and don't even know what's really going on in your head.
So how to kill time? There are a number of ways and everyone is different. What really matters is that you do something to fill your days. It doesn't matter how ridiculous they are. They eventually will lead to something.
I will share a little bit about how I dealt with my heartbreak.
I started branching out and making more friends. I didn't really have any expectations to build great friendships or to hopefully "meet someone". It's just that I wanted to fill my time and share it with people. Again, killing time. Friends come and go in life and you're lucky if you develop a few close friendships. Also, you don't have to develop close friendships with people in order to learn from them. You hear about their stories and aspirations and maybe something will inspire you. Things in life tend to work harmoniously. Things aren't always so clearcut. You may meet people who inspire you or give you new ideas and perspectives that add meaning to your own life.
I also invested more time in my work. Not necessarily my job but again, things in life tend to work in strange ways. There was a time when I wished my day job would be busier and more fulfilling in order to keep my emotional turmoil at bay. Yet once I started becoming more interested in my profession and pursuing projects outside of work, my job started getting busier and more demanding. Now I am struggling to keep my life balanced. And you know what? That's exactly what I want and what I think people going through heartbreak should have. It may take time to build a busy life for yourself but like the old saying goes "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
Today, I am not even close to meeting a potential partner. But I have a busy life and things to keep me going.
What heartbreak really teaches you is that nothing in life is permanent and that the true way to live life is to live in the present. Don't think about things like whether you're going to meet your ideal partner down the road. Instead, focus on your plans for the next couple of days.
I really like the movie Rocky and what it teaches you about life. Life will throw a lot of curveballs at you. Things you totally are unprepared for much less predicted. And when these things happen, they hurt the most because you had no time to put up barriers to protect yourself. You are literally knocked down and KO'ed. But what really matters is that you get back up again and prepare for the next big punch. Then you get knocked down again except this time, your recovery period will be less painful because you've been through it before and you know what to do. That's not to say you won't be in the same situation again. Heartbreak may happen again in your life but at least next time, you know what steps to take and what to do.
I'm not going to offer the typical happy ending thing like one day you'll meet someone great. You may or may not meet your ideal partner. Maybe your ex-partner was it and there will be no more. Who knows really. And that's the point, you don't know what's going to happen later on in your life but you need to kill time and keep on living in the meantime. And that's all there really is to it. It's very simple. Kill time and build up resilience.
Saturday, 11 February 2012
Sunday, 22 January 2012
Kim Il Sung: Evil Incarnate or Brave Guerilla Freedom Fighter?
One of the things about history is that it's never simple and never black and white as the mass media likes to spin it.
One prime example is how the western media portrays Kim Il Sung and the regime he started which continues to plague North Korea today. Although I will be the first to admit that the current North Korean regime is absolutely an Orwellian nightmare that should no longer exist in the world we live in today, I'd also like to point out that it wasn't entirely so and that the "evil" Kim Il Sung might not be as evil as you think.
We have a tendency, especially those of us who live in the western world, to judge other countries or societies based on our standards in the present. That is, we don't take into account the time period in which historical events occurred.
I'm not going to dwelve into a biography of Kim Il Sung and the history of how North and South Korea came to be, you can look up wikipedia for that. I'd like to point out some key facts that should be pondered.
Today, we tend to view free democratic South Koreans as the "good guys" and the dictatorship North Korea as evil incarnate. It may surprise readers that the first rulers of South Korea were actually former imperial Japanese officers. Park Chung Hee who is often credited as the creator of South Korea was a former military officer who betrayed his native country and fought on behalf of the Imperial Japanese forces.
It is also worthy to note that many of the first rulers of North Korea including Kim Il Sung were former anti-Japanese guerillas who fought against the occupying Japanese forces. They were known as freedom fighters to the Koreans and were admired by not just Koreans but Chinese and Russians as well for their bravery and tenacity in battle.
Why is this significant? First of all, a little background. The Japanese invaded Korea and made it into their colony in the early 20th century. Koreans hated the Japanese for it but had no real way of fighting back. Many koreans such as the aforementioned Park Chung Hee pretty much lost hope that Korea would be liberated again and so joined the Japanese. In fact, many koreans did so.
Then there were the Koreans who actually fought back. Many of these Koreans were ones who fled Korea to China or ethnic Koreans who lived in China. Amongst these was Kim Il Sung and his family. He was part of the Northeastern Anti-Japanese Army which was founded by the Chinese Communists. He was a charismatic, intelligent, and brave commander and he led daring guerilla attacks against Japanese forces including one in which he actually captured a North Korean village. This was a big thing because at the time, China and Korea were hopelessly ill-matched against the modern, sophisticated Japanese armed forces and so minor victories like these were very awe-inspiring. Also, he was one of the few Koreans at the time who were actively fighting back. Very significant for a country who had been occupied and under the process of being colonized by the Japanese.
Kim Il Sung quickly rose through the ranks and eventually became the commander of an entire division consisting of Chinese and Korean soldiers. His exploits and quotes are recorded in Chinese historical archives so there is proof of this history.
Compare this with Park Chung Hee who later on established pretty much a dictatorship in South Korea. Both men were dictators essentially. In fact, South Korea did not really become a democratic nation until well into the 1980s. It is also worthy to note that until the 1960s, North Korea had a higher GDP and higher living standard than South Korea. The famines and poverty that persists in North Korea today did not really start occuring until the 1990s. Before that, North Koreans were well-fed, productive and free from mismanagement and corruption.
Kim Il Sung should also be given credit for when credit is due. He was perhaps the highest ranking Korean army officer who actively fought against the Japanese and at many times risked his life and endured extreme hardships in doing so. He skillfully maneuvered between the Chinese and Soviets all in favor of Korean interests and establishing a Korea free from Japanese rule. Although he did not single-handedly establish North Korea, it was through his skillful diplomatic skills in dealing with the Chinese and Soviets that made it possible.
Kim Il Sung, like most historical figures, was a product of the times in which he lived. He lived during a time when Japan was rampaging across Asia trying to build an imperial empire and not the hardworking, industrious country that we know today which makes high quality cars and electronics. Communism at the time was also not regarded as evil and many people even those who lived in the west sympathasized towards its ideals. It was a fashionable "new" thing that many felt was the answer to the capitalism which had let down society. The memories of the Great Depression era was still fresh in the minds of most people.
It is sad and tragic that Kim Il Sung later on fell in love with his own ego and image and established a regime that would bring such misery to his people. I question that this was his intention and I truly believe his goals were pure initially. But as with all men who attain power, corruption wins in the day. This occurs even in western democracies. However, the difference is that with him as the sole ruler of North Korea, there was no one to challenge him and correct his wrongdoings whereas in a democracy, someone like that would just be removed from power and forced into early retirement.
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Goodbye 2011
It is 4AM and I'm sipping cup of hot tea and blogging. In about 4 hours, I have to get up and go to work. In fact, for most people, this is the official end of the holidays as this is the first day of work in the new year. So in a way, this is the perfect time to do some reflection, knowing that 2011 is really officially over and done with.
I'm not sure if I could say this about all years but 2011 was a special year for me. As with life, it was full of ups and downs. As always, the ups were pretty amazing but the downs were pretty ego-defeating.
The more I think about them, the more I realize that with every good thing that occurred, there was also a bad thing.
Social life
Good
Got a second-chance to regain a social life and make new friends. I met some fabulous people who I got to spend time with and kill the lonely nights.
Bad
As with most social things, it has to come to an end. People come and go. You meet some amazing people only to find out they are moving on.
Meaning
I think the most important thing I got out of this is the realization that I'm not alone in my situation. There are plenty of people out there who don't have it totally together as well and are just doing the best they can and living life the best way they know how.
The other thing is and I know this is cliche but it's become more apparent to me the importance of being yourself and staying true to yourself. This may at times cause you to become unpopular in the crowd or to miss out on certain things. I know there have been times where I didn't really stay true to myself in order to "fit in" only to regret it later.
Future Assessment
1. Work more on being myself and staying true to my values even in social settings while at the same time presenting the best parts of myself.
2. Realize people come and go in life and that it's just a part of life whether it's friends, girlfriends or even family.
Workout Routine
I started a running regimen to run outside at least 2-3 times a week.
Good:
Feel great and performing better at work and life in general. Beats the depression on some days as well.
Bad:
Body seems to get used to the regimen and as a result have not been feeling so well during the holidays where a lot of eating and sleeping go on. Also have to adjust to going to gym which is less convenient during the winter months.
Meaning:
This is something I intend to keep up as consistently as possible. It's not only beneficial to me physically but I think the most important part is emotionally as well. It makes me feel good both about myself and about my life. It makes me realize life is long and there will be further opportunities.
Future Plans:
I fully intend to keep doing this in 2012. I'm going to stay as active as possible during winter and once it's ok to run outside again, it's back to the regimen.
Career
2011 was another great year for me career-wise. For the 3rd straight year in a row, my annual performance reviews have been great. Now when I say great, I must remind myself to take it with a grain of salt. In the corporate world, performance reviews is one of those things that matter yet don't matter either. They are not really an indicator of your true worth to the company but it also doesn't hurt to have a great track record.
Good
I took a significant role in completing a milestone project. Gained a lot of experience and in many ways, this was my real significant project in my career.
Bad
There are a lot of areas that I want to grow in and not sure if I can continue to advance in these areas. I have a lot of ideas but working in a company is often like playing musical chairs. There are just times when you don't have a seat.
What it means to me
Overall, it's been a successful year. I'm happy with my career. I realize it's not easy these days for a lot of people due to this economic climate as well as simple bad luck so I am very fortunate. That being said, I need to remind myself of this when I'm frustrated or unhappy at work and keep acting humble and professional. I realize that I need this company more than it needs me. It's given me a lot overall. It doesn't owe me anything.
Future
We'll see how 2012 goes but I've always felt that this is going to be a make or break year. What happens in this year will determine my future at this company as in whether I'm staying for the long-term or I find an opportunity elsewhere.
Things to improve on in 2012
2010 seems like a distant memory but when I compare the 2010 and 2011, a lot of the the things that didn't go so well in 2010 dramatically improved in 2012. I really hope the same thing happens in 2012 and that the old saying "history tends to repeat itself" is true.
Here are some things that I want to improve on in 2012:
Dating/Relationships
This didn't go so well in 2011 but on a positive note, I see 2011 as a "recovery year" for myself in this category after the events in 2010. I think this has a lot to do with being true to myself and gaining confidence in who I am while at the same time presenting my strengths in a positive light. We'll see how this goes. I have a feeling something will happen or the seeds have been sown somehow.
Travel Plans
The contiki tour didn't go as well as I hoped. It revealed a lot of my flaws in social settings. I've learned a valuable lesson when it comes to socializing and that is, never go into one expecting good things to happen. It's really one of those things that are "up in the air." You could walk away from a social gathering and made a great a friend or met a wonderful girl or you could end up being rejected and tramped on.
I intend to go on a China contiki trip this year sometime but this time, I will hold no expectations. I'm just going to be myself, polite to others, and try to have fun.
Home Pet Projects
As a developer working in the fast-changing technology field, it is imperative that I keep myself up to date. The best way to do so is to work on projects and thereby forcing myself in situations where I have to learn new things.
I've got a new computer setup at home and intend to do this during my free time. As for free time, I realize I have more of it than I sometimes imagine. I just need to be more efficient with it. I'll apply my running routine to it. Sometimes it's just a matter of doing it and ignore everything else whether it's fatigue, laziness, fear of failure, or distractions.
Saving Money
I spent a lot of money in 2011 whether it was related to moving into my new condo, social outings, travel, or just wanting some new gadgets to play with.
It's time to hunker down. I think I've got a lot of the things I want already and my expenditures should drop in 2012.
Also, I intend to be on a lower profile socially and just go to the social outings I actually want to, not because my friends are going or because everyone else is going. This goes back to the staying true to myself bit.
I'm not sure if I could say this about all years but 2011 was a special year for me. As with life, it was full of ups and downs. As always, the ups were pretty amazing but the downs were pretty ego-defeating.
The more I think about them, the more I realize that with every good thing that occurred, there was also a bad thing.
Social life
Good
Got a second-chance to regain a social life and make new friends. I met some fabulous people who I got to spend time with and kill the lonely nights.
Bad
As with most social things, it has to come to an end. People come and go. You meet some amazing people only to find out they are moving on.
Meaning
I think the most important thing I got out of this is the realization that I'm not alone in my situation. There are plenty of people out there who don't have it totally together as well and are just doing the best they can and living life the best way they know how.
The other thing is and I know this is cliche but it's become more apparent to me the importance of being yourself and staying true to yourself. This may at times cause you to become unpopular in the crowd or to miss out on certain things. I know there have been times where I didn't really stay true to myself in order to "fit in" only to regret it later.
Future Assessment
1. Work more on being myself and staying true to my values even in social settings while at the same time presenting the best parts of myself.
2. Realize people come and go in life and that it's just a part of life whether it's friends, girlfriends or even family.
Workout Routine
I started a running regimen to run outside at least 2-3 times a week.
Good:
Feel great and performing better at work and life in general. Beats the depression on some days as well.
Bad:
Body seems to get used to the regimen and as a result have not been feeling so well during the holidays where a lot of eating and sleeping go on. Also have to adjust to going to gym which is less convenient during the winter months.
Meaning:
This is something I intend to keep up as consistently as possible. It's not only beneficial to me physically but I think the most important part is emotionally as well. It makes me feel good both about myself and about my life. It makes me realize life is long and there will be further opportunities.
Future Plans:
I fully intend to keep doing this in 2012. I'm going to stay as active as possible during winter and once it's ok to run outside again, it's back to the regimen.
Career
2011 was another great year for me career-wise. For the 3rd straight year in a row, my annual performance reviews have been great. Now when I say great, I must remind myself to take it with a grain of salt. In the corporate world, performance reviews is one of those things that matter yet don't matter either. They are not really an indicator of your true worth to the company but it also doesn't hurt to have a great track record.
Good
I took a significant role in completing a milestone project. Gained a lot of experience and in many ways, this was my real significant project in my career.
Bad
There are a lot of areas that I want to grow in and not sure if I can continue to advance in these areas. I have a lot of ideas but working in a company is often like playing musical chairs. There are just times when you don't have a seat.
What it means to me
Overall, it's been a successful year. I'm happy with my career. I realize it's not easy these days for a lot of people due to this economic climate as well as simple bad luck so I am very fortunate. That being said, I need to remind myself of this when I'm frustrated or unhappy at work and keep acting humble and professional. I realize that I need this company more than it needs me. It's given me a lot overall. It doesn't owe me anything.
Future
We'll see how 2012 goes but I've always felt that this is going to be a make or break year. What happens in this year will determine my future at this company as in whether I'm staying for the long-term or I find an opportunity elsewhere.
Things to improve on in 2012
2010 seems like a distant memory but when I compare the 2010 and 2011, a lot of the the things that didn't go so well in 2010 dramatically improved in 2012. I really hope the same thing happens in 2012 and that the old saying "history tends to repeat itself" is true.
Here are some things that I want to improve on in 2012:
Dating/Relationships
This didn't go so well in 2011 but on a positive note, I see 2011 as a "recovery year" for myself in this category after the events in 2010. I think this has a lot to do with being true to myself and gaining confidence in who I am while at the same time presenting my strengths in a positive light. We'll see how this goes. I have a feeling something will happen or the seeds have been sown somehow.
Travel Plans
The contiki tour didn't go as well as I hoped. It revealed a lot of my flaws in social settings. I've learned a valuable lesson when it comes to socializing and that is, never go into one expecting good things to happen. It's really one of those things that are "up in the air." You could walk away from a social gathering and made a great a friend or met a wonderful girl or you could end up being rejected and tramped on.
I intend to go on a China contiki trip this year sometime but this time, I will hold no expectations. I'm just going to be myself, polite to others, and try to have fun.
Home Pet Projects
As a developer working in the fast-changing technology field, it is imperative that I keep myself up to date. The best way to do so is to work on projects and thereby forcing myself in situations where I have to learn new things.
I've got a new computer setup at home and intend to do this during my free time. As for free time, I realize I have more of it than I sometimes imagine. I just need to be more efficient with it. I'll apply my running routine to it. Sometimes it's just a matter of doing it and ignore everything else whether it's fatigue, laziness, fear of failure, or distractions.
Saving Money
I spent a lot of money in 2011 whether it was related to moving into my new condo, social outings, travel, or just wanting some new gadgets to play with.
It's time to hunker down. I think I've got a lot of the things I want already and my expenditures should drop in 2012.
Also, I intend to be on a lower profile socially and just go to the social outings I actually want to, not because my friends are going or because everyone else is going. This goes back to the staying true to myself bit.
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