Heartbreak is one of those things topics that can inspire endless discussions because really everyone has a different way of looking at it. It is a situation that is unique to each individual and so no two people will completely agree on it.
However, when you find yourself in this situation, it literally feels like you're entirely alone and the only one who feels this way. This is because in our society, people expect to see happiness and share in it with others. The truth is, there is a whole sea of people out there who are "walking wounded" and in pain and struggling too.
Yet knowing that there are other people out there in the same boat doesn't help either. We are all selfish creatures and what we really want is how to get ourselves out of the situation. All the typical advice you hear such as "you'll find someone better" or "time heals all wounds" don't really help. And in fact, time might just be the worst thing right now. When you're going through heartbreak, the days go by so slowly and every minute feels like agony.
Some say spend more time with family and friends. That depends really. I can see how having a network of family and friends can definitely help. But again, everyone is different. There are people who are close to their family members yet they don't know you really well. This is especially true to your parents and such who have a longer memory of you since they raised you. You could have changed but they are still thinking of you as the old you. Helpful supportive friends are definitely an asset but they eventually will get tired of hearing you complain because they've got their own problems and their own lives to deal with as well. Friends want to share in your happiness, not your gloom.
Other people say try to get into a new relationship. Well, if you're lucky and you meet someone very soon, then great but unfortunately, most people's lives don't work out like in the movie "500 days of summer." There are people who go years in between partners.
So the stark truth is, the only person who can truly deal with this is yourself. Time is your enemy. Think of it like a combat situation in war. What do you do when your enemy wants to kill you? You kill them first. When you are going through heartbreak, you are literally in a combat situation. Time is your enemy and you are going through emotional chaos and don't even know what's really going on in your head.
So how to kill time? There are a number of ways and everyone is different. What really matters is that you do something to fill your days. It doesn't matter how ridiculous they are. They eventually will lead to something.
I will share a little bit about how I dealt with my heartbreak.
I started branching out and making more friends. I didn't really have any expectations to build great friendships or to hopefully "meet someone". It's just that I wanted to fill my time and share it with people. Again, killing time. Friends come and go in life and you're lucky if you develop a few close friendships. Also, you don't have to develop close friendships with people in order to learn from them. You hear about their stories and aspirations and maybe something will inspire you. Things in life tend to work harmoniously. Things aren't always so clearcut. You may meet people who inspire you or give you new ideas and perspectives that add meaning to your own life.
I also invested more time in my work. Not necessarily my job but again, things in life tend to work in strange ways. There was a time when I wished my day job would be busier and more fulfilling in order to keep my emotional turmoil at bay. Yet once I started becoming more interested in my profession and pursuing projects outside of work, my job started getting busier and more demanding. Now I am struggling to keep my life balanced. And you know what? That's exactly what I want and what I think people going through heartbreak should have. It may take time to build a busy life for yourself but like the old saying goes "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
Today, I am not even close to meeting a potential partner. But I have a busy life and things to keep me going.
What heartbreak really teaches you is that nothing in life is permanent and that the true way to live life is to live in the present. Don't think about things like whether you're going to meet your ideal partner down the road. Instead, focus on your plans for the next couple of days.
I really like the movie Rocky and what it teaches you about life. Life will throw a lot of curveballs at you. Things you totally are unprepared for much less predicted. And when these things happen, they hurt the most because you had no time to put up barriers to protect yourself. You are literally knocked down and KO'ed. But what really matters is that you get back up again and prepare for the next big punch. Then you get knocked down again except this time, your recovery period will be less painful because you've been through it before and you know what to do. That's not to say you won't be in the same situation again. Heartbreak may happen again in your life but at least next time, you know what steps to take and what to do.
I'm not going to offer the typical happy ending thing like one day you'll meet someone great. You may or may not meet your ideal partner. Maybe your ex-partner was it and there will be no more. Who knows really. And that's the point, you don't know what's going to happen later on in your life but you need to kill time and keep on living in the meantime. And that's all there really is to it. It's very simple. Kill time and build up resilience.
